As if

I have sought you
all my life, really,
all my goddam life
as if you were there,
as if you cared
as if you defined who
I am, for I need defining,
as if in the end the
final countdown,
was the starting point
to the stars,
as if something matters,
when nothing matters at all,
as if when the ifs cease
you will be there
to take up my tragic case.