To be honest,
if I had a choice
of how to live
my life, I would
live alone, be by
myself, see out
the rest of my
days on a solo
tour with my
own rules, and
not be beholden to
to another soul
who I have to
generously please
and try ever harder
to accomodate.

Sounds selfish
does it not ?
Anti-social.
Introversion
at it worst.

And perhaps it is
all of these and
much more.

But to be frank,
I am tired of
having to account
for another
person’s whims.

And despite the thought
I should be more
gregarious at my age,
this is the way
I am inclined in these
precious days of my latter years .

Even though I still live with
someone, treading the
daily boards of routine,
truth be known
I sometimes wish I
never lived with that
person at all.

I want a space that’s just
for me, without having to
justify why this is here
and why I want it this way,
or how I use my time
or what I choose to do .

I want this place that
I inhabit to be my own
habitation, one that
reflects the self that
I have always wanted
to be, not the interests
of another well-meaning
soul who also wants
their own private shrine .

I may sound awful, dear
reader of this indulgent
verse, but I have reached
an age when what matters
most is savoring the time
I have left, and not bowing
politely to someone else’s
royal sense of who they
think I am or must be .

Do not judge me harshly
but listen instead,
for what I seek is my own
lonely mountain from which
I will come down to society only
when I, and I alone, choose.

 

15/5/2023